I’M not one of those people who has been moaning about the recent changes in bin collections in Wirral.
In fact, I positively welcomed my grey recycling wheely bin into my home, lovingly creating space for it next to its green and brown brothers, and feeding it daily with empty bottles, cans and cardboard boxes.
So I was more than a little shocked when, more than a month ago now, I got home from work to find it had left home.

Thinking it may have wandered to the wrong house by mistake, I trekked up and down the street, peering into people’s drives to see if it was lurking behind their rose bushes. But no. It had vanished.
I thought of putting up ‘Missing’ posters on nearby lampposts, but after a lot of thought dismissed the idea.
After all, I didn’t have a photograph of my missing bin, it had no distinguishing marks apart from a slightly dented lid, and anyway, it knew where I lived.
I haven’t seen it since.
It’s bin and gone...
Naturally, I reported it straight away to the Bin Police at Wirral Council. The lady on the phone was very helpful. Agreeing it was unlikely to have been stolen, she explained they sometimes end up in the bin lorry, and said they would send a replacement as soon as they could.
Four weeks on and I’m still binless.
There’s now a can mountain in my dining room which I swear is getting snow on its peak.
There’s a bottle cavern in the hall, and a cardboard city in the kitchen.
I haven’t seen the cat in three days, since he disappeared under a pile of old newspapers the size of Mount Vesuvius.
The situation getting a tad desperate, I telephoned the aptly-named Rubbish Department again to see if they had a progress report on my new bin. Maybe they have to grow one from seed.
A different lady took my details – again – and said she would chase it up. No help there, then.
It’s only a matter of time before my house disappears under a mound of potentially recyclable rubbish.
Maybe it’s time to dig my spade out of the shed...

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